What’s in a Title
One day a man called the church office. He said, “Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?”
The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, “I’m sorry, who?”
The man said, “Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?”
She said, “Well, if you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as
‘Pastor,’ or ‘Brother,’ but you may certainly not refer to him as the ‘head hog at the trough!”
To this the man replied, “Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to the
building fund…”
To this the secretary quickly responded “hang on, the big fat pig just walked in.”
Pass the Plate
A six-year-old girl insisted that as a new first grader, she should be allowed to take part in the offering and put something in the offering plate during the worship service of her Church. Mom and Dad agreed
wholeheartedly. Dad even gave her a dollar and explained that God loves a cheerful giver.
When the usher stopped beside the little girl and held out the offering plate, the little girl’s voice rang out in protest, “Hey, Mister! Don’t you have change for a dollar?”
Her very embarrassed father leaned down and whispered something in her ear. The whole congregation heard her reply: “But, Daddy, I’d be a cheerful-er giver if I could give SOME to the Lord and buy a candy bar, too!”
CAT HEAVEN
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat “you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know”.
The cat thinks for a moment and says “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
The Lord stops the cat and says “say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?”
The Lord says “say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him “How are things since you are here?”
The cat stretches and yawns and replies “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are theeeeeeeee best!!!”
May 20, 2009 at 12:43 PM
great laughs, especially the cat joke — thanks